Rick Santorum: I Meant to Say “Mitt’s an Evil Liberal”

We all have those “I should have said [this] instead” moments, and our future President of the United States Rick Santorum just had one.

In the most recent (Arizona) Presidential debate (number 2,412 by my count), Santorum inadequately responded to Mitt Romney’s vile attack against him for supporting some outlandish liberal ideas of then-president and known liberal George W. Bush.

Santorum’s staff took a couple of days and came back with a great response, given by e-mail:

Mitt Romney has criticized me for taking one for the Republican team and we all know why, because Mitt Romney’s teammates are all Democrats. It’s pretty clear what team Mitt Romney is on when he passed socialized medicine that included $50 dollar abortions–bragged about not lining up with the NRA–appointed liberal activist judges to the Massachusetts bench, and was hanging out at Planned Parenthood events celebrating the pro–choice agenda.

No wonder working with a Republican President’s team is foreign to Mitt Romney.

Take that, Mitt! You’re the evil liberal, not me!

Now, all we have to do is find a way to get the quick-thinking staff member to answer questions for Rick live, and we’ll soon get to say what we’ve all been dying to say, “Hello, President Santorum.”

Since it’s Friday, we’ll do something a little different. We’ll use a couple of pictures to illustrate:

This isn’t from the actual debate, but it’s what Santorum looked like when he was getting whiny and defensive after Romney’s baseless attack.

This is what it would have looked like had Santorum hit Romney with his witty comeback. Romney would have stopped the debate, congratulated Santorum on the impending nomination, and asked if Santorum was able to convince Pat Robertson to be his running mate.

Rick Santorum’s Wife’s Abortion Doesn’t Count

I hear a lot of nonsense about how Rick Santorum is a hypocrite (another name for liberal if you ask me!) because his wife had an abortion when he thinks that abortions should not be allowed even in the case of rape or incest. Let me put that to rest right now since I am now a big Santorum supporter since his name is not Mitt “everyone deserves health care coverage” Romney.

If Karen Santorum had an abortion, something that not all people believe, it does not count since it provided a great real-life lesson for his family in three ways:

1. He gave the dead fetus a name (Gabriel Michael)
2. He took the dead fetus home to his children (talk about a home-school lesson)
3. The family spent several hours cuddling, kissing, and singing to the dead fetus.

Does that sound like the actions of a murderer? No, it sounds like the actions of a family man with good family values.

About Time–Boehner Goes After Last 2%

The merciless and unfair treatment of the mainstream Republican presidential candidates by the liberal press has depressed me so much that I wasn’t able to blog for months, but I’ve got to get back in there and defend those who that represent the core values that have made America great.

When I saw that the whiny liberals (see–it’s like I never left!) upset that John Boehner was threatening to backtrack on the “deal” that settled the debt-ceiling debate months ago, I knew it was time since that’s the last thing I wrote about–how Boehner caved and only got 98% of what he wanted.

Well, he’s coming back for the other 2% (and the article, of course, had to try to poke fun of the fact that he’s sensitive and loving man–in a manly way, not a marry another guy way, by including a picture of him crying), and we should all be thankful that we have him on our side, especially since it’s becoming more and more clear that the liberal in sheep’s clothing, Mitt Romney, Mr. Healthcare for everyone, is going to win the nomination.

I’m still pulling for Newt Gingrich and his ingenious ideas like having middle school children (minority and poor children only need apply) be janitors in their own schools. I mean, geez, this is a great idea, reinforcing the notion that children should clean their own rooms. All parents say that, so why shouldn’t the schools pay children wages well below minimum wage to do that at school.

It’s a win-win situation, and for that, the media morons play this after radical.

No wonder I’m depressed.

Whoopie Cushion in Every Pot

Stephen Colbert has managed to make a mockery of the entire United States election process by getting authorization from the Federal Election Commission (FEC) to start his Super PAC (Political Action Committee). Who knew that the FEC was a left-leaning organization?

What a joke–and I don’t mean it in the comedian sort of way.

It’s unclear what Colbert plans to do with his PAC–other than collect money from any whacky liberals who are loony enough to give it to him–but he might run another of his fake presidential campaigns. Oh, and attempt to ruin the country as wel know it.

I hate to admit it, but I used to watch when his show when it first came on because it too me a while to figure out that he was a fake conservative, but one of the ramifications of this move are clear: A single comedian is going to have an undue influence on our political process.

I don’t understand all of the ramifications of his PAC, but I know that it stems from his hatred of the common sense Supreme Court ruling, Citizens United. I’m not a lawyer, but I’m sure someone at Wikipedia who wrote this was: Citizens United allows  that “corporate funding of independent political broadcasts in candidate elections cannot be limited—because of the First Ammendment.”

Corporations have to be treated the same as people when it comes to financial contributions related to elections. When the Supreme Court made the Citizen’s United ruling, I guarantee you that their intent was to give undue political influence over our elections to those who deserve it– large corporations who may or may not be part of this country–not one person, especially a comedian.

We live in a capitalistic democracy, not a socialist democracy and certainly not a comedic democracy.

In a capitalistic democracy, those who have more money have more influence. That’s the way it should be. They were smart enough to get the money, so they should be smart enough to choose who runs the country.

We don’t live in some whacky socialist democracy, where every person has the same influence on an election regardless of how much money they have. Do you want poor people deciding what we should do next? They would vote that the entire country should be on welfare and be done with it.

I also didn’t think we lived in a comedic democracy, either–until today. But now, thanks (that’s sarcasm) to Stephen Colbert, a comedians will have as much influence on our elections as oil companies, unnamed foreign investors, and billionaires.

It will soon be a whoopie cushion in every pot.

Live Blog of New Hampshire Republican Debate–Sort Of

I didn’t get a chance to see the live broadcast of the New Hampshire Republican debate, so I’ll “live” blog about it today, via a Youtube CNN Video.

Yikes. It’s three parts, and they’re all long. The candidates are clearly pretending to be Democrats, giving long answers. I mean, how long can it take to say “Lower taxes,” “Defend our freedom,” “budget cuts,” “pro-life in all instances,” “no gay rights,””cut spending, cut spending, and cut spending (except for the military),” “Christian nation,” and “Defund Obamacare.”

I’ll keep blogging until I declare a winner and then hit the sack. Conservatives don’t stay up all night like liberals do.

9:50 p.m.: They’re off to a good start by reading the Pledge of Allegiance.

9:52: Blank screen on CNN. Must be the liberals in the control room screwing things up.

9:54: Introductory statements by candidates. Santorum has 7 kids? We know where he stands on pro-life issues, and Pawlenty really is boring. The liberal media was right for a change. I didn’t know you could doze off during at 10-second line.

9:58: Question on how to create jobs. This one is easy. LOWER TAXES AND MAKE THEM PERMANENT–way to go, Cain!! Santorum scores with DEREGULATION. Pawlenty is rambling–just say LOWER TAXES and move on. I’m going to skip ahead.

10:01: They’re talking about REPEAL DODD/FRANK. I have no idea what the Dodd/Frank bill is, but I don’t like either of them since they’re Democrats, so I agree. REPEAL.

10:06: Obamneycare. It’s a good thing that Pawlenty is so boring that no one listens to him; otherwise, people would be shocked at how he didn’t attack Romney on health care after slamming Romney just two days earlier.

10:09: We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen: Michelle Bachman! Bachman just announced that Republicans will win by sitting on a three-legged stool of “peace through strength Republicans,” “fiscal conservative republicans,” and “social conservatives.” That’s the kind of stool I want to sit on, one free of Democrats!

Pawlenty Budget Proposal: More Tax Cuts, Please!!!!

Unfortunately, Weiner’s sex scandal has distracted from Tim Pawlenty’s sensational budget proposal, which would result in a nearly unprecedented 5% growth for 10 years!

That’s all I need to hear. Sign me up.

If you want more details, his plan is a flawless one of reducing the corporate tax rate to 15% (currently 35%) and the reduction of regulation related to consumer and environmental protection.

In other words, it’s an exaggerated version of the George W. Bush economic policy, which celebrates an important milestone today–the 10th anniversary of the famous Bush Tax Cuts (all capital letters because they’re God-like!!).

The tax cuts may not have worked according to plan to date since the cuts have been the single largest contributor to the growing deficit, resulting in a stalled economy and widespread budget cuts (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Tax cuts and public debt

I can almost hear the whiny liberals now: Why would you want more of what brought us to the brink of economic collapse?

Well, the answer is obvious. While the Bush Tax Cuts greatly increased the disparity between the rich and poor, the disparity isn’t yet enough to encourage the rich to actually spend their money. Give them an even greater portion of the wealth, and they won’t know what to do with all of the money. They’ll have to spend it, and it will save the economy–with a growth rate of at least 5%.

Good times are here again–if Tim Pawlenty gets his way.

Herman Cain for President–It Has a Nice Ring to It

Everyone in the liberal media keeps saying that the Republicans don’t have a decent candidate for the 2012 presidential election. I agree that Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney can’t be trusted–they lean to the left on too many issues–but we do have one strong candidate with good conservative values: Herman Cain.

I also like Ron Paul (although when I see him, I sometimes think we slipped into a time warp and he’s really Ross Perot). Well, I did like Paul until I heard him on the Fox News debate (don’t expect any of the other debates to be as fair and balanced as that one was). Paul said that smoking marijuana and shooting heroin should be legal. Either he has a drug problem of his own, or he’s soft on crime. In a Ron Paul world, all of the parks would be filled with strung-out hippies.

Someone soft on crime can’t be elected by the Republican base, and even though I didn’t see all of the debate, I doubt that Cain would be soft on crime.

He probably agrees with whoever built the water fountain near my home. There’s a sign that says that anyone who “trespasses” in the fountain would be subject to arrest. Now, I’m not saying that a 6-year old should be put in the slammer for a little fountain dip, but a couple of months in juvenile detention wouldn’t hurt.

As you can see, I’m not soft on crime, and I doubt that Cain is either.

Other advantages of Cain include that he hates taxes since he’s a good man of business (just like Scrooge) and his election would disprove all of those silly notions that Republicans are racist. The man is African American, you know–as long as he’s not a Democrat infiltrator like Michael Steele was.